Embarrassment as a Superpower

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Photo by me

 

I was on the sidelines of my daughter’s sport over the weekend, although this is no regular sporting field. The lucky girl sails and I had the pleasure of being out on the harbour on a support boat while she trained with her new sailing partner.

She has recently transitioned to a bigger two-person boat and I was chatting with the other sailor’s father and saying how pleased I am with the conscious coupling (see what I did there). The other sailor is a few years older and has been sailing larger, double-handed boats for several years. She is a kind and patient tutor to my daughter, and they are gelling well as a sailing duo.

I mentioned to the dad that my daughter had been embarrassed about her inexperience in the larger, double-handed boat but that this was abating with the thoughtful feedback she was receiving from his daughter.

To my surprise, instead of expressing pride at my praise of his daughter, he simply said: “I tell my kids that being able to cope with embarrassment is a superpower”.

And boom, mic drop, I have a new perspective on embarrassment!

I do already work with this concept (I set my negotiation coaching clients weekly challenges to help them get used to taking social risks and asking other people for things) but I hadn’t previously thought of it as a superpower.

On the surface, avoiding embarrassment seems like a good bit of self-care but there are times when it does more harm than good. If you never ask for things in case you hear “no”, you’ll never know what you can achieve. If you never make a mistake learning to sail a new boat, you’ll never learn how to improve.

Do you embrace the superpower of embarrassment?

 

The difference a month makes

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I have just emailed a follow-up to a great group of people who attended my Introduction to Sustainable Negotiation training course a month ago. I like to follow up on Learning Plans a week, a month and three months after training and today’s email was the one-month check-in.

But what a month! A month ago, we had four Covid-19 cases in Australia and we’d never heard of social distancing. A month ago, there were no queues snaking around the block at Centrelink offices. A month ago, the Liberal Party still had its “Back in Black” mug for sale.

My follow-up emails are business as usual, but it is not business as usual in Australia right now.

Strangely, there is no better time to learn to negotiate – we are all negotiating for limited resources, many of us are negotiating with staff about changes to their jobs, some of us are facing unemployment and are negotiating with Centrelink and landlords, a few of us are negotiating with banks about interest rates, and almost all of us are negotiating with family members about how to share the house while we work from home.

It is not business as usual for me either. I have always delivered negotiation coaching over Zoom but am now adapting my group training courses to be delivered this way too.

Despite all this, it doesn’t feel quite right to be marketing at present. So, if you need support negotiating something or help with boosting your skills, get in touch. But if you just want to chat, or get a second opinion on a decision, or talk through what you have on your plate, that’s fine too. Just get in touch.

 

Gender Equity in the Workplace

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The Workplace Gender Equality Agency, in conjunction with the Bankwest Curtin Economic Centre, has today released its latest report on gender equity in the workplace.

While there are clear indications that women are gaining ground, there is still a way to go. Here are some of the key points from the report:

  • The highest-paid 10% of women in key management roles make $160k less annually than the highest-paid men ($599k cf $436k), equivalent to 27.1%.
  • The lowest paid 10% of women in management roles make $14k less than the lowest paid men in similar positions ($72k cf $58k), equivalent to 19.5%.
  • At current rates, the projected timeframe for women to reach equal representation in executive level positions is 2047.

Improving these statistics requires employer-led action and accountability by boards and employers. For the individual women affected, few skills will have as much impact as learning how to negotiate.

If you need help with this, get in touch to find out more about my 13 week one-on-one coaching course, Sustainable Negotiation … How women can negotiate more out of work and life without burning bridges.

Coaching Women in Negotiation

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Thought I’d share the good news that I am launching a new service. As usual, my interest is in negotiation and conflict resolution, but I am adding an extra focus on coaching women in negotiation.

There is lots of research that shows women find this difficult – a quick look at data about salary differences and work in the “second shift” at home says a lot.

If you know anyone looking for help in this area, please introduce us.