Like many Australians, I have been following the Bruce Lehrmann defamation proceedings and managed to listen in as some of the judgement was delivered yesterday.

I was heartily amused by some of the quirky turns of phrase used by Justice Michael Lee and, even within the first few sentences, we witnessed Lee use the magnificent word “Omnishambles”.

I love a good word, and omnishambles might just have to go in the repertoire!

In my field of negotiation and conflict, words matter a great deal. Overly aggressive or confrontational language (like using “demand” instead of the less-inflammatory “request”) can put the other party on the defensive. Ambiguous language almost always leads to misunderstandings, which in turn erodes credibility and trust. Insensitive or offensive language can escalate tensions and derail the negotiation process.

Here are some quick tips for avoiding an omnishambles in your next negotiation:

1. Identify Hot Buttons
   Hot Buttons are emotionally charged words or phrases that can elicit a strong reaction in negotiations. Identify hot buttons early and navigate them carefully.
2. Try “We” not “I”
   Where appropriate, endeavour to use inclusive language (like “we” and “us”). This will foster a sense of collaboration and make the issue being negotiated a joint challenge to be solved.
3. Use precise language
   At all points in the negotiation, but especially when finalising terms, use precise language so that all parties have the same interpretation of the agreement.
4. Balance empathy and power
   Practise using language that shows empathy for the other party’s interests while subtly highlighting your source of power or leverage in the negotiation.
5. Reframe
   Make use of positive framing (like using “opportunity” instead of “problem”) to shift the focus from obstacles to potential solutions.

There are always gaps – when people are negotiating, when they are in conflict, or simply when they aren’t on the same page.

It’s important to remember that words can build bridges, and bridges close gaps.

People don’t know that they should learn to negotiate. They think negotiation is something that only people in boardrooms do, or something that involves large sums of money. Or even an activity involving hostages and balaclavas!

But, really, negotiation is just about wanting something from someone else and finding a way to make it happen.

In his bestseller “Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if your life depended on it”, Chris Voss shows how negotiating skills can be applied in various contexts, from the mundane to the high stakes. He argues that even though negotiations might seem daunting or reserved for high pressure situations, the principles of negotiation are applicable to everyday scenarios.

At its core, negotiation is simply about communication and understanding. It’s about figuring out what you want, expressing your needs, considering the needs of the other party and anticipating and responding to any setbacks. It’s about navigating obstacles and reaching agreements.

We do this in our homes every week when we have the discussion about which takeaway food to order. This is no less a negotiation than what goes on at the UN. Maybe the stakes are higher at the UN and the issues are more complex … but the discussion about whether tonight should involve sushi or pizza is still a negotiation.

When we are weighing preferences, considering options and reaching agreements, we are negotiating; and these skills are valuable in any negotiation, whether it’s over dinner or in a boardroom.

So, despite negotiation’s image problem, it’s clear that we’re all negotiating all the time. And with the right mindset and skills, we can navigate all negotiations more effectively.

Isn’t it time we learned more about it?

What does Muhammad Ali have in common with road tunnels?

If you read the newspapers in Sydney at all, you’ll know there has been an awful lot of talk about mulch recently. Yes, mulch. Garden variety mulch!

Mulch containing asbestos has been found in the brand-new parklands that are located above the giant underground spaghetti junction that forms a critical part of an enormous WestConnex road tunnel network.

Imagine being the project managers on the WestConnex project. They had a budget of $16.8B and employed a total of 65,000 highly skilled people over the life of the construction.

And now all they can talk about is mulch.

Muhammad Ali said: “It isn’t the mountains ahead that wear you out; it’s the mulch in your shoe”.

Actually, he said ‘pebble’ not ‘mulch’ but humour me.

Seemingly minor issues can have a cumulative effect on the overall success of activities like negotiation and conflict management.

In negotiations, minor obstacles can take on a life of their own and have an impact far more significant than other larger challenges. I have seen countless times, when working through conflict with individuals and teams, that the root causes of disagreements are often quite minor things that have festered.

To conquer the mountains, leaders should be addressing the mulch in the shoes of their people.

This is my wonderful son and his beautiful bride. They have been married for almost a week.

Yes, this post is probably more suited to Facebook or Instagram, but here’s the thing, they have just entered the biggest negotiation of their lives!

They are entering the negotiation having spent a year planning for it. They have dressed up for the kick-off meeting (a.k.a. the wedding day), and they have made concessions on menus, guest lists and the gift registry.

Hopefully it’s a long and fruitful negotiation but it’s not guaranteed to always be easy.

It’s an expensive negotiation too and they are both very invested in the outcome. There are external stakeholders to satisfy as well – the sponsors of the kick-off meeting (like me), for instance!

Many of us have already entered into negotiations such as this one. Some have progressed extremely well, and others have ended badly.

For those wanting to be in the former category, I’d suggest a heavy reliance on an accommodating style, a focus on building trust and investment in communication skills.

Good manners in a negotiation? Of course.

Your counterparty is more likely to make concessions to you if they like you.

Moreover, a study by Robert Bies and Joseph Moag found that negotiators are more likely to accept terrible outcomes in a negotiation if the news is communicated in a fair and polite manner.

Sometimes it’s more about the “How” than the “What”. Respect, honesty and rapport go a long way in all types of consensus-building – in negotiations, conflict resolution and facilitation.

https://www.afr.com/work-and-careers/leaders/my-best-career-advice-develop-good-manners-20230918-p5e5gd