Cecilia Vega is an American 60 Minutes correspondent and former member of the White House press corps.

Vega was interviewed by Stephen Colbert yesterday and they discussed the time she was told by former President Donald Trump that she never thinks. You can see the hostile exchange in the video.

Reflecting on the exchange, Vega said she remembered everything happening in slow motion and that her brain compartmentalised to deal with it. She told herself not to cede turf to him.

I love this example of how to manage emotions in the face of a verbal attack.

Compartmentalisation is a psychological defence mechanism – it means mentally separating conflicting thoughts and emotions to avoid discomfort.

When we are experiencing conflict, it is helpful to find ways to keep the focus on the problem, rather than your response to the problem. Compartmentalising is one way to do this.

This isn’t about suppressing the emotions and never dealing with them – I’m sure Vega revisited her Trump encounter afterwards; it just means that you are putting the emotions aside to deal with later so that you can focus on the issues at hand and deal with them rationally.

@colbertlateshow

What’s the secret to facing off against the former president according to Cecilia Vega? Don’t get down in the mud with him. #Colbert #CeciliaVega #journalism #60minutes

♬ original sound – colbertlateshow – colbertlateshow

You might think that when everyone’s on the same page, it’s all rainbows and unicorns, but that’s hardly ever the case. What looks like smooth sailing on the surface often masks some serious undercurrents of tension.

In my experience, real agreement doesn’t just happen magically. It’s like making a good stew – you need to mix in some spices. Well, those spices are the different opinions and ideas that come from a bit of healthy arguing.

I’ve seen it time and time again – when people are too scared to speak up or they’ve been shut down before, you end up with a room full of nodding heads but not much else. It’s like everyone is playing a silent game of “agree to disagree” without ever voicing opposition or getting anything done.

But here’s the thing: conflict is rarely a bad thing. In fact, it’s often the secret sauce that makes consensus actually work. When you’ve got people throwing around different perspectives and hashing out ideas, that’s when the real magic happens.

Next time you’re in a meeting and everyone seems a little too agreeable, maybe it’s time to stir the pot a bit. Embrace the disagreements, listen to what everyone has to say, and who knows? You might just cook up something amazing together.

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Hi, I am Fiona McKenzie and I think everything in life is better when we face the tough stuff.

Having spent the last few decades as a negotiator and mediator, it’s clear to me that while avoiding conflict is natural, it’s when we face it and indeed seek it out that we can make progress.

To do this well, leaders need to be able to:

• negotiate agreement
• mediate conflict
• facilitate alignment

Those who are skilful in these areas are better leaders and can make progress faster on all fronts.

Contact me for an initial briefing around how I can help you and your team face the tough stuff and make progress.

One of the biggest mistakes I see in negotiations is lack of preparation, even when it’s freakishly simple to prepare.

Often, my government and corporate clients ask me to assess the negotiation performance of their people. These participants have everything it takes to be successful in the assessments – they’ve attended my training workshops, they’ve had the chance to practise their new skills, and they have opportunities to seek my guidance before the assessment.

And, most helpfully, they have all the templates I’ve developed to help them prepare thoroughly.

Do they use them?

Often not.

Obviously the stakes aren’t as high in an assessment compared with a real-life negotiation, but the participants know that their managers get a copy of my feedback!! That should drive some desire to prepare well.

Why don’t they prepare?

I think it’s a combination of underestimating the complexity of even the simplest of cases and overestimating their ability to manage it.

What is encouraging is that attendees rarely make the same mistake twice. Having experienced the difference that solid preparation can make (and having experienced the polite but pointed reprimand they get from me), they always do better in subsequent assessments.

Benjamin Franklin said: “By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail”. For negotiators who don’t learn from their mistakes, this quote of his is also apt: “We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid”.

I’m going heavy on the alliteration here to make a point … People, Please do your Prep Properly. It makes a world of difference to your success.

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I help leaders use constructive conflict and negotiation skills to be more effective. If this post resonates, get in touch.