As someone who has spent years in the trenches working alongside leaders, I’ve seen it all—from the quietly disruptive director to the chair who shies away from any hint of discord. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that conflict is not something to avoid. When approached with the right mindset, conflict can be one of the most powerful tools in a governing body’s arsenal.

During a recent BoardPro webinar on ‘Difficult conversations with difficult directors’, I had the opportunity to discuss these issues alongside colleagues Lynda Carroll and Simon Telfer.

We often picture the ideal boardroom or C-Suite as a place where everyone gets along, decisions are made smoothly, and challenges are easily overcome. But let’s be honest—this idyllic scenario rarely exists. More often than not, governing bodies are a melting pot of diverse opinions, strong personalities, and conflicting interests. And that’s okay!

Conflict isn’t inherently bad. In fact, it’s necessary for effective functioning. Without conflict, you risk falling into the trap of groupthink, where everyone agrees too easily, and critical issues are swept under the rug.

The real challenge is how you manage that conflict. Do you allow it to fester and disrupt, or do you harness it to foster growth and innovation?

In my work as a negotiation and conflict specialist, I’ve come to see conflict as akin to sandpaper—it’s not inherently good or bad, and it’s useful for smoothing out rough edges, but if not handled properly it will cause damage.

Positive Conflict doesn’t happen by accident. It requires a culture that values open dialogue and respects differing opinions. When boards and leadership teams embrace positive conflict, they open the door to robust debate, creative solutions, and stronger governance. It’s about creating an environment where people feel safe expressing their views, knowing their contributions will be heard and respected.

The ability to navigate conflict is not just a discretionary skill for leaders—it’s essential. Whether you’re a chair, a director, or an executive, embracing conflict and learning how to manage it constructively is absolutely a leadership capability.

If you’re ready to take these principles to the next level, I can help.

Leadership teams and boards thrive when they’re not afraid to face conflict head-on. The next time you find yourself in a tough conversation, remember: the greatest opportunities often lie on the other side of conflict.

Here’s the link if you’d like to watch the full webinar:  ‘Difficult conversations with difficult directors’.

… but should I share it?

We normally think that gossip is a bad thing, but it isn’t always!

By gossip, I don’t mean rumour. Rumour is when unverified stories are circulated, whereas gossip can be defined simply as idle talk about an absent third party.

When is gossip good?

Researchers at the University of Arizona found that people spend almost an hour a day gossiping, and most of this gossip is neutral or positive, rather than negative.

Sometimes, gossip can be prosocial because it allows us to seek advice or learn from the experiences of others. It’s like a shortcut to making better judgements about our options or about other people.

Importantly, gossip helps us evaluate how trustworthy someone is.

How else can you explain the contradictory advice we give our children to a) not talk about others and b) pass on information about someone who isn’t treating them properly?

Gossip can also be positive for social bonding in teams. Research has found that gossip can discourage poor behaviour because it communicates the group’s values and norms. By reinforcing what behaviour is expected of the group, gossip builds cooperation and trust.

When is gossip bad?

Despite all these good things that come of gossip, no-one wants to be the absent third party who is being talked about. We’ve all seen situations where gossip has exacerbated conflict, and many of us have been harmed by it.

Gossip can erode trust and escalate tensions. Malicious gossip in workplaces leads to hostility, feelings of betrayal and damaged professional relationships.

What to do about gossip?

Amy Gallo, author of the HBR Guide to Dealing with Conflict, suggests this approach when faced with gossip:

1. Try not to engage in negative gossip.
2. Be careful how you share negative or sensitive information, especially with a known rumourmonger.
3. Normalise direct feedback. Gallo says our first question when someone shares gossip should be: “Have you told them?”

You may have heard me speak about concealment culture, where organisations encourage a fake harmony and discourage people from talking about the difficult things. Gallo’s third recommendation is an antidote to concealment culture.

It’s hard to give direct feedback, but it’s better than concealing the problem. Leaders should be setting the norm that people talk directly with each other rather than gossiping.

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Gossip is like fire — it can either build a warm environment or burn it down. And we all know we should play carefully with fire!