I write a regular newsletter that hundreds of people read (no pressure, Fi) and just recently, on a single day, I had two people unsubscribe.
No-one has ever unsubscribed before, and then I got two in one day!
I may have met these people but I don’t know them, and I certainly don’t why they unsubscribed … but it really got me in the feels.
In the same week, about 50 new subscribers signed up. Guess which number I thought about more?
Why do we care so much about rejection?
Why does it hurt?
The late great Daniel Kahneman (the Nobel Prize winning behavioural psychologist and author of Thinking, Fast and Slow) and his research partner, Amos Tversky, coined the term “loss aversion” for this experience of rejection.
Kahneman and Tversky claim that losses impact us far more than gains do – “the fear of losing $100 is more intense than the hope of gaining $150” – and, consequently, many of us are highly motivated to avoid losses.
Once you are aware of the loss aversion bias, you’ll see it in action everywhere.
A particular bugbear of mine is how salespeople (especially in shops named things like Hardly Normal and HC Low-Fi) are always keen for us to buy extended warranties. On the one hand, we are told the computer/TV/phone is highly reliable, and on the other, we are told it is advisable to pay for an additional year of warranty. These stores are using the loss aversion bias to bolster their profits simply because we fear the loss associated with equipment failure.
In workplace conflicts, I see the loss aversion bias happening all the time. People choose to avoid confrontation because they perceive the potential loss of a harmonious work environment as more significant than the possible gains from resolving the conflict.
A classic example of loss aversion is choosing a safe, low-return investment over one that attracts some risk but offers huge returns. This is the same thing as choosing to avoid conflict instead of choosing the harder but more valuable path of facing up to it.
Avoiding conflict is loss aversion in action.
As for me, I’ll be focusing on my net subscriber numbers and the privilege that it is to share my thoughts with you!