Coming of age in a turbulent world

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Next week, my beautiful, funny, clever, quirky middle child will become an adult.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the state of the world she is facing at this milestone. She enters adulthood as the world is reeling from a pandemic and the ensuing economic fallout, and as worldwide protests rage about racism and police brutality.

Luckily, the genetic lottery means she will embrace adulthood with privileges many don’t have … she is white, she has a middle class family, she has received an excellent education, she has wonderful friends and she has a happy, supportive home life.

BUT … even with all that privilege, she will face discrimination and bias in hiring and pay decisions simply because she is a woman. With the Total Remuneration Gender Pay Gap in Australia currently standing at 20.8% (source: https://www.wgea.gov.au/topics/the-gender-pay-gap), her lifetime earnings may be hundreds of thousands of dollars less than men her age. She may also face bullying and discrimination at levels not experienced by her male counterparts.

 

Last week, I spoke at a webinar about negotiating tips for women and was asked what I thought the future would hold –whether young women will face the discrimination and bias, and specifically the negotiating backlash, that generations before have faced.

I am hopeful that they won’t. I have seen the change in men’s attitudes over time and the growing confidence of young women. I think that Covid-19 isolation arrangements have also probably educated many men about the realities of life at home with small children. This can only help.

And yet, there is a long road to travel before unconscious bias has vanished.

In medicine for instance, there are more women entering medical schools than men, and yet it remains an industry dominated by men. There is some progress with campaigns like Operating with Respect, which was launched by the Royal Australasian College of Surgeons (RACS) in 2015 to improve patient safety and counter bullying, discrimination and sexual harassment.

There are also informal campaigns like the hashtag #ILookLikeASurgeon, which is used to promote diversity in surgery as well as to highlight discriminatory behaviour. The hashtag has been circulating for several years but continues to get dozens of mentions every day on Twitter.

Nonetheless, discrimination remains. Yes, there has been a lot of progress, but the need to highlight and denounce gender, race, and other biases remains necessary.

 

So, what of my gorgeous girl? Next week, she becomes an adult and she is as ready as she can be. Let’s hope our training institutions, places of work, social norms and personal levels of awareness can treat her fairly. Let’s hope the turbulence and pain in the world at present will lead to a more equitable future for all.

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I offer a range of programs to help women and mixed teams improve their negotiation knowledge and skills. This includes one-on-one coaching, pre-conference programs and group training.

All of the programs are based on Sustainable Negotiation™, the approach I developed to move people from avoiding negotiation to engaging with it so that negotiation skills can be incorporated into everyday life.

Get in touch if you want to hear more about the programs and send me a message if you are interested in receiving a copy of my whitepaper, “Negotiation Skills as a Remedy for Gender Bias in Medicine”.

A masterclass in listening by Roy & HG

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Photo credit: ABC Australia Story

Last night, ABC TV’s “Australian Story” revealed some of the secrets behind John Doyle and Greig Pickhaver’s 35 year run as satirical sports commentators, Rampaging Roy Slaven and HG Nelson.

It was a great insight into the comic duo and, as a bonus, highlighted two of my favourite memories from the Sydney 2000 Olympic Games – the gymnastics commentary (remember the “hello boys”?) and the unofficial mascot, Fatso the wombat.

As a negotiation specialist, one aspect of the story really stood out for me.

As explained by comedian and broadcaster, Wendy Harmer, many radio duos build a following by being combative. In contrast, Roy and HG use an improvisation tool called “Yes and …” to progressively build on each other’s ideas. They genuinely listen to each other and accept the other’s premise. John Doyle described it thus: “He’s building a safety net for me; I’m building a safety net from him”.

I loved this part of the program because it reminded me that good negotiators should also listen and react this way.

Chris Voss, former FBI hostage negotiator and author of the hit book “Never split the difference”, describes active listening as “listening with tactical empathy”. Here is a quote from Chris’ blog on the Black Swan site:

Listening with the goal of understanding engages more of your brain and your senses. To truly understand someone, you must listen for dynamic information that will help you see the world from their perspective. In addition to hearing the words your counterpart is saying, try to identify the pictures in their heads, the emotions that are driving their decisions, and the fears that are influencing their perceptions. If you have a sense of how the world looks and feels from their point of view, you can be preemptive with tactical empathy to diminish negatives and win their trust.

With 35 years of listening intently and successfully building on each other’s ideas, I salute Rampaging Roy Slaven and HG Nelson for their enduring example of active listening.

If you are interested, you can catch the program at this link: